We mentioned before that when the first girl first saw Kylie she thought that she was an old dog who had had a rough life and she wanted to bring her home so we could give her a big party for whatever life she had left. Then we found out Kylie was still a puppy! They said she was approximately eight months old and we totally didn’t believe them – until she started exhibiting some very puppy-like behavioral issues. For example, she peed everywhere!
So after about six days of potty-training with poor results, the first girl, who was Kylie’s official adopter, said she couldn’t take it and she was taking Kylie back. The shelter offered a seven day warranty of sorts so that if things didn’t go well you could take back your adopted pet with no questions asked, and she was prepared to send Kylie packing. So girl 2 stepped in and said she would accept all responsibility for the little pisser! This included cleaning up after all the “mistakes” that were made until Kylie was successfully housebroken as well as making sure that the housebreaking actually did happen. So the deal was done, there was even an official title transfer.
The truth was revealed by girl 1 much later, that it had nothing to do with the pee pee problems. She had quickly begun to feel way to attached to the little bean head (another favorite nickname), and was feeling a very vulnerable sense of dread about eventually having to go through exactly what we’re going through now having lost our sunshine. 🙁 In retrospect, a very reasonable reaction. And in the end she wasn’t spared the devastation and despair of the loss of the little monster. But she got to share in every day of the wonderful insanity that was the Life of Kylie, which neither girl would trade for anything in the world.

Another near miss came a few months later when Kylie, seemed to have forgotten that she had been successfully potty trained not long after that first week. All it took in the end was a few days of putting diapers on her end (actual human baby diapers), and the humiliation did the trick. Boy would she be pissed, no pun intended, about us telling the entire internet about that! Anyway, Kylie had started peeing everywhere again – her favorite target was comforters! And she was getting threatened.. “cut it out or you’re back on the streets!” (We know, more bad parenting.) But we decided maybe there’s something wrong, maybe we should have her checked out, maybe she’s got some sort of kidney or bladder disorder. But what did the vet find? Heartworms!!
Holy crap! Do heartworms cause a dog to pee on the floor? No, they don’t, it was completely unrelated – but thank god Kylie had started peeing on the floor or we never would have found them. And she never should have had them but again, we were VERY BAD parents! We let a vet convince us that since she was going to be an indoor dog she didn’t need a preventative. Hello! It’s hawaii! Mosquitoes are present everywhere and anywhere all year round! Much like louisianna, pretty much any dog not treated for heartworms will end up with heartworms. So Kylie had to undergo heartworm treatment which is basically like chemo, which is literally poisoning your dog in order to kill the worms. It’s very dangerous and we were so scared we were going to lose her.
Obviously, Kylie came out fine but man those first few months were rough for all of us! It’s amazing to think of what almost never was, how much we would have missed.
We were so lucky!

Sometimes while driving we see someone with their dog riding in the passenger seat or worse, sitting on their lap, and start ranting about how terrible and dangerous and irresponsible that is. Shame on them for being such bad pet parents! But in all honesty this is a small case of the pot saying “hello, kettle. this is the pot calling to say you’re black too.”

As mentioned before, we really were terrible parents, at least when Kylie was younger. We didn’t just let her ride in the front… we let her drive!

That’s right, I was like Britney with my baby on my lap, but I don’t think even Miss Spears let Shawn Preston put his little paws on the wheel. But we did! Not on a regular basis or anything, just a few times around Honolulu.

What’s worse is Kylie was a terrible driver!

She wasn’t much for keeping her big bulgy eyes on the road, she was pretty much looking everywhere else in fact. Then she would accidentally honk the horn and be looking all over to figure out who was honking at her.

So after a few attempts to turn her into Toonces we suspended the driving lessons, and Kylie learned to truly appreciate being chauffeured in comfort and style. And fortunately we gradually learned to be more responsible guardians.

People don’t believe us when we say it now, but we were really bad parents for at least Kylie’s first 7 years or so. A primary example is that when we adopted her from the Hawaiian Humane Society we signed paperwork that assured them that we had a suitable living space including a yard for her.

In actuality, we had just rented an apartment where we had to sign paperwork that clearly stated No Pets Allowed. (In our defense, Kylie was never our “pet.”) And since that apartment was on the 14th floor (technically the 13th), obviously no yard was included.

But Kylie was so good! She never ever barked back then – a skill she perfected later. And she did her business in a designated section of the fire escape and we just had to clean up every few days.

So Kylie didn’t go out a lot, but sometimes she had a party to attend, and of course it was Hawaii so she went to the beach a couple times too. And you know sometimes a dog just wants to go for a drive – literally, we let Kylie drive (more of the bad parenting I mentioned).

In order to get her out of the building undetected required a little stealthiness, so we used this big green bag and had her jump in and hide. The code word for this operation.. “In Burrito.”

And now we’re forced to admit that’s a Beavis & Butthead reference (hey, it was the early 90’s). They meant INCOGNITO but Beavis said in burrito, so there you have it. We would open the bag and say, “Kylie, get in burrito,” and she would hop in! She would stand in it with her head poking out until we got out the door then she would hide until we got in the car and out of the parking lot.

It was actually like a game, and she really liked it, plus she knew it meant she got to GO and Kylie loved to GO!

Years later, when the bag was no longer part of her regular routine you could open a bag and tell her to get In Burrito and she would climb in so that we could sneak her into the hotel in Vegas or where ever. And Kylie Loved Vegas!

But I guess that’s a story for another time…

Kylie didn’t just love dirt, she loved a good dirt bath! That’s what we called it when she was feeling good and would roll around on her back and twist and kick and snort. (when horses do it, you call it a dirt bath) It was hilarious! But it was nearly impossible to catch on camera because it was really spontaneous (and usually took place under poor lighting).

The short film below was made just a few months ago. It’s a really short dirt bath – sometimes it went on for several minutes – then you’ll notice she notices the camera..

So cute!

Btw, there’s a lot of videos of Kylie on You Tube. Just search on Kylie dog or on popartpet.
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This just in! We found some older photos of the dirt bath! It’s harder to fully appreciate the truly acrobatic nature of the dirt bath from still photography, but having seen the video already you get the idea.

And it’s still funny!

Since we told you how girlie Kylie was sometimes, we should give equal time to her love for all things dirty and stinky!

She was a dog after all (or was she?), so sometimes instead of rolling on perfume samples she rolled on dead frogs or other unidentifiable stinky stuff.

Once in Jersey she took a romp through the ravine beside our apartment and came out the other side covered from the shoulder down in green-ish, brown-ish, gray-ish sludge – New Jersey sludge – and happy as a clam!

In Colorado she became mountain dog. She loved going for hikes, especially with her aunt Merrianne, especially when she got to get especially dirty.

Of course, as the mom I would always spoil the fun and give her a bath. Even this new year’s eve, we were having guests so I was busy cleaning the house, running the vacuum, when in comes Kylie through her doggie door leaving a trail of muddy paw prints behind her. I turned off the vacuum and yelled STOP, before she got from the wood floor to the carpet! She had apparently found some sort of mud pit in her backyard which thrilled her no end. So again I was the bad guy, picked her up and carried her to the tub and she got a happy new year bath.

Crazy, Dirty, Happy, Dirt Dog!

We received a wonderful email from a friend of ours and of Kylie’s. Hope he doesn’t mind that we’re sharing it here…

I know it must still be as hard as ever. I was just at “two girls and a dog” and I was tearing up. I was chatting with a friend of mine last night who lives in Toronto (Kylie went to Toronto!?! You’ll have to tell me about it) and she has a little dog too, so I directed her over to Kylie’s page and even she was tearing up just thinking about it. She was an amazing little girl! (Kylie, not the friend I was chatting with… I don’t need Chris Hansen and Dateline knocking at my door! ….. again)

Anyway, I was reading through the blog posts and saw the story of how she would only respond to Howard for a while (didn’t you call ME Howard for a while? Since I looked like Howard Stern for a bit). I also saw where your friend thought she was Cleopatra in a former life, I remember you telling me that story. I also remember her fascination with perfume samples! I always think that particular personality was a flamboyant flapper from the 20s! Because Kylie was the Bee’s Knees and the Cat’s Pajamas all rolled in to one! There were definitely a lot of personalities in that little pooch, and you of all people knew, she had to be a “very old soul”. Hopefully, if there is Kismet, Serendipity, and Reincarnation, she will somehow find her way back to you. And if I know Kylie, even if you got another dog, she’d get in there and take it over! She was a little badass in that respect! I picture her thumping her chest sayin’, “Not in MY house!”

With Kylie and you guys, I have to think of the final line from the movie “Pretty Woman”, that after you rescued “The Princess”, she rescued you right back!

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So true. We couldn’t have said it better ourselves.

A friend of ours and Kylie’s once said he thought she must have been Cleopatra in a former life or something as he watched us playing her with our make up brushes. We would pretend to put blush on her cheeks and eye shadow over her great big eyes. She loved it! She loved us putting necklaces on her too.

She would even put perfume on herself. If we ever got fashion magazines, with the annoying perfume ads with the stinky sample, we could put it on the floor, she would open it and dig at it until she found the page with the perfume sample. She would then tear out that page, and tear open the flap to expose the perfume, then roll all over the page getting the smell all over herself. (you can click on the thumbnails below for larger images)

It was very funny to watch, not so pleasant to smell! She’d smell like a cheap floosie for two days!

Once the Kylie nicknames started they kind of never stopped. Shortly after the Frankenweenie, Trashhound, Ready Kilowatt days she got her showgirl name, Kylie Espadrille Cha Cha Cha!

No, we don’t know where that came from it just sort of rolled off the tongue one day and Kylie really liked it so it stuck. We don’t know where most of her nicknames came from, but some of them were obvious like K-dog or K-diddy, which sometimes was DJ K-diddy. Some were random like Monkey or Chicken, which would become compound like Monkey Doodle or Monkey Butt, or Chicken Little or Chicken Butt. “Shorty” was also a favorite, and kind of obvious, and it also sometimes became compound like Shorty Pie or Short Pants. Then “Pants” became a very popular stand alone nickname which eventually at some point became Chicken Pants! We didn’t really know why we had started calling her Chicken Pants until the two girls were on a trip back home to hawaii, the only place we really ever went without her (quarantine laws). We were at the shooting range of all places, which was overrun with wild chickens of all things, but not just your everyday barnyard chickens, they were fancy chickens with feathers all the way down their legs so it looked like they were wearing pants…ergo, Chicken Pants!! We were so excited, it all made sense now because Kylie’s back legs were so puffy and extra furry! You can kind of tell in this picture of her hiny, even though she’s wearing her snow suit and her legs are mostly covered you can see right under her tail how thick her hair is on her hindquarters. Chicken Pants was perfect!

Her gangsta name was “Kylie Three Toes”, she got that after she lost one toe on her back left foot to cancer. But eventually we just started referring to that foot as her “Lucky Fin.”

Then there was the two week period several years ago when we realized she wouldn’t answer to Kylie anymore. So we asked her if she had changed her name. But she wouldn’t answer, so we started trying new names.. Fluffy, Fido, Sadie, we kept guessing but nothing worked so we moved on to more people names of both genders until she finally responded to one. Howard – she came when we called her Howard and not when we called her anything else.

You probably think we’re making this up, but I swear that she would totally ignore us when we called her Kylie but would snap to it when you called her Howard. Until one day she was over it and went back to being Kylie.

Kylie always had a huge imagination, so maybe she was pretending to be Howard Hughes or Howard Stern, we have no idea. But she really did like nicknames, especially when we worked them into a song or something.

God we miss Kylie Espadrille Cha Cha Cha Shorty Chicken Pants!
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We remembered another – LL Cool K!

If we remember even more, we’ll add them here as well..

We’ve been asked a number of times over the years, “where’d you get the name Kylie?” Oddly we don’t exactly remember.

We had a chalkboard in the apartment where all three roommates wrote suggestions. We remember writing Penelope, Snickerdoodle, Snoopy and the like, but we don’t know who wrote KYLIE or why. It was way after Kylie Minogue’s “Loca-Motion” had left the station, and long before her comeback came back, and I can’t really think of any other famous Kylies.

I can kind of imagine Kylie herself, maybe when we were all asleep, somehow climbing up onto the shelf under the chalkboard and putting the chalk in her mouth and spelling out K-Y-L-I-E, because obviously that was meant to be her name. We all agreed, Kylie it is.

In Australia a kylie is a curved stick or a boomerang, which is appropriate because we could let Kylie run and explore and she would always come back.

At a gift shop at the space needle where they were kind enough to let Kylie come in and do some shopping we found these little picture frames that had names along with what the name “meant,” you know the type. It reads, “KYLIE, An Australian name influenced by ‘Kyle’ and ‘Kelly.’ A very emotional and romantic person, she is full of energy and able to mesmerize those around her.”

I have to say, that’s actually pretty accurate, except for the romantic part maybe! So of course I bought the frame, but to be ironic I put this picture in it.

After Kylie became Kylie, we filled the chalkboard in that old apartment with nicknames that she earned in the early days, like Frankenweenie – which was a reference to her metal stitches on her scar from when she was spayed, Iron Belly – because she could eat anything like a whole rib bone and a roach trap, Trashhound – which is pretty obvious, and oh yeah, Ready Kilowatt – because she chewed through electrical cords, even some that were plugged in, giving her quite a jolt!

I know I said this wouldn’t be a chronological story and I’m sure for the most part it won’t be. Then again a little background wouldn’t hurt…

Once upon a time there were two girls. They were in their mid-twenties, living in Honolulu, and they had become fast friends with a common objective – ‘We must get an apartment so that we can get a DOG!’

So as soon as said apartment was rented regular trips to the Hawaiian Humane Society began. (Nevermind the fact that said apartment had a No Pets policy. That’s another story for another time) One day very shortly into this journey, one girl went to the Humane Society on her own and saw a very odd looking creature. It was about three feet off the ground having climbed the chain link fence gate of the dog run. “What’s that?” the girl inquired.

THAT was a mess of a lump of a “dog,” covered with motor oil and ticks, that had just come in that day. So the girl, who had been hoping to find something more along the lines of a pure-bred pup, asked to see IT. The dog was unresponsive and looked tired, beat up, and old, so the girl took pity. She put her name on a list because there was a waiting period in case somebody came to lay claim. Then she came home to announce to her roommates (there was also a boy in residence at the time) that she had found this poor, old dog who probably didn’t have long left to live so she was planning to bring her home to have a big party for whatever time she had left. (Which as it turns out, is exactly what we did!)

The next day both girls went to see the dog who had been moved from a run with three or four other dogs to a run with just a shepherd puppy to share. She had been cleaned up but now was sporting a gash on her head that we were told she got when she started a big melee with the other dogs in the pen. This seemed surprising at the time.

We took her out of the run to get acquainted but that was difficult because the little dog was so skittish. She mostly just sat on the grass, no eye contact. We gave her treats but she just tried to bury them or at least cover them with grass, which was cute but heartbreaking. The only true sign of life we saw was when we got her to walk near the area where they keep guinea pigs in cages. When she caught sight of them moving around, and presumably got a scent, she really perked up! But it was very short-lived and we just assumed, well she is a terrier of some sort so that’s just instinct.

When it was time for her to get sprung from the pokey, we went to pick her up and on her adoption papers we noticed it read “Age: appx 8 mos”. To which we said, “What?! Are you sure??” We were assured that the vet had determined this through thorough examination so we had no choice but to believe them. But it wasn’t until in the weeks and months to come, when she got BIGGER, that we really decided they must have been about right. By the way, on that last day she had been moved into a private run, all by herself, which was odd because they were at max capacity. They told us that she had turned out to be a bit of a scrapper. To which we said, “What?! Are you sure??” We would find out much later that they were right about this too.

She was a little scared of the car ride, then she walked in the door of the apartment, where she wasn’t allowed, stepped about one foot in the door and peed!

To the best of my knowledge this is the first picture of Kylie in her new home.

She spent three weeks laying on the couch like a potato, getting up periodically to pee on the carpet, then one day she decided she was staying so “they might as well get to know the real me,” and she WOKE up! Suddenly we had a puppy with all the craziness and destruction that comes with that!

To be continued…