So the thing with Kylie wearing clothes.. we’re really not those people for whom pets are accessories, for dressing up and parading around. Besides, when Kylie was just a pup designer doggie duds were unheard of, unlike now.

But for Kylie’s second christmas photo we bought her a Santa suit – her first christmas she was a Tropical Raindog (it was hawaii.. get it?).

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It was a really high quality Santa suit, thick red plush with fuzzy white collar and a broad black belt. She looked quite jolly wearing it! And apparently it made her jolly because when we would take it off she would pick it up, drag it to the middle of the floor and roll around on it until you would put it back on her. She wore a Santa suit for six months! And it was hawaii.. it was hot!

So we started buying her toddler tees and tank tops because like I said, dog clothes were hard to come by, especially in hawaii. She really liked it wearing clothes – we liked it too, we just thought it was weird!

Then when we moved to the mainland and she got her first exposure to canine couture she built up quite the wardrobe.

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Funny thing was, after living there for awhile, like a “real dog” chasing squirrels, seeing other dogs out and about, it’s like she realized that she was in fact a dog and dogs did not wear clothes. So she began the occasional protest when we would put cute stuff on her. You could get her to cooperate while you dressed her, but then she would just stand perfectly still.

When she wanted to play in the snow, she was much more tolerant – it was like she understood that it would keep her warm for awhile.

In fact, she liked the snow so much, she would even put up with this…

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It was worth it for her.. Kylie loved the snow! And of course we loved putting her in cute stuff, and she looked so adorable in them, so we continued to buy her the latest fashions.

Kylie did like the compliments and attention she got when she was all dressed up, so she was willing to compromise. She was mature like that!

We learned what we were dealing with very early on in our relationship with Kylie. She had come to live with us in September and at the cutietime, one of the girls was working on art installations at a club in waikiki along with a very cute boy named Gary. So we two girls were constantly going on and on in front of Kylie about Gary this and Gary that, and basically swooning as girls will do in their 20’s.. Gary, Gary, Gary.

One evening that October, we were taking dinner to a couple coworkers at the club including the cute boy, Gary.  Kylie was with us because even though she had only been living with us for a matter of weeks she had already become our constant little sidekick – besides she needed more driving lessons! We got out of the car and the guys walked out to meet us and as soon as Gary came out and we said “Hi Gary,” Kylie took off running toward Gary. Up to this point, we had observed that Kylie was a little scared or intimidated around men, especially tall men and Gary was over 6 feet tall; but she ran straight up to him dropped on the ground and rolled over on her back wagging her tail.

Naturally Gary bent down and rubbed her belly and told her how cute and sweet she was. While he was doing that Kylie, and we are not making this up, looked over at us with an unmistakable expression on her little face.. “Ha ha! The cute boy likes me and is petting me – not you!” Our jaws dropped and we looked at each other like what have we gotten ourselves into!? After their little interlude Kylie was just so pleased with herself, and we were aware for the first time of how in-tune she was with us. And we were aware of what a piece of work she was!

We’ve begun hearing the first claps of springtime thunder around here and it makes us miss Kylie even more – if that’s possible. She had always been especially scared of loud noises, which is why we called her Chicken Little. Of course then when we found out about the drive-by we felt terrible and once again realized we had been really bad parents!

Anyway, once we moved to the mainland and had thunderstorms to deal with regularly, they didn’t just frighten Kylie, they would send her under the bed for the rest of the day, shaking and cowering. It was heartbreaking and absolutely nothing would console her, until…

thunderOne day, I don’t know how we got the idea, but during a particularly thunderous thunder storm we started encouraging her to BARK back at the thunder. And she did! Meekly at first, but with encouragement she got braver and of course louder! And louder, and louder, and louder, barking, howling, and carrying on like a lunatic!! All the while we would cheer her on and she loved it, and we loved seeing her brave and empowered instead of terrified. Knowing that thunderstorms are a common fear for dogs, we thought we should do an infomercial or something about how to empower your pooch, and get rich.

Then we went on vacation to hawaii – the only place we went on vacation without Kylie – and a friend of ours stayed at our house to take care of Kylie. One day when we called to see how they were doing, the friend who sounded very tired told us they were fine but there had been a series of storms the night before, in the middle of the night, and well therefore she was pretty tired at work that day.

“Oops, sorry about that,” we apologized. We felt a little guilty, but we explained our motivation for encouraging the foul-weather ferociousness. Fortunately there weren’t any more stormy nights during our trip and we brought our friend a large quantity of macadamia nuts and all was forgiven!

We of course continued to instigate the insanity, especially in colorado where thunder comes almost daily from late May to early July.

We mentioned before that when the first girl first saw Kylie she thought that she was an old dog who had had a rough life and she wanted to bring her home so we could give her a big party for whatever life she had left. Then we found out Kylie was still a puppy! They said she was approximately eight months old and we totally didn’t believe them – until she started exhibiting some very puppy-like behavioral issues. For example, she peed everywhere!
So after about six days of potty-training with poor results, the first girl, who was Kylie’s official adopter, said she couldn’t take it and she was taking Kylie back. The shelter offered a seven day warranty of sorts so that if things didn’t go well you could take back your adopted pet with no questions asked, and she was prepared to send Kylie packing. So girl 2 stepped in and said she would accept all responsibility for the little pisser! This included cleaning up after all the “mistakes” that were made until Kylie was successfully housebroken as well as making sure that the housebreaking actually did happen. So the deal was done, there was even an official title transfer.
The truth was revealed by girl 1 much later, that it had nothing to do with the pee pee babykylie5problems. She had quickly begun to feel way to attached to the little bean head (another favorite nickname), and was feeling a very vulnerable sense of dread about eventually having to go through exactly what we’re going through now having lost our sunshine. 🙁 In retrospect, a very reasonable reaction. And in the end she wasn’t spared the devastation and despair of the loss of the little monster. But she got to share in every day of the wonderful insanity that was the Life of Kylie, which neither girl would trade for anything in the world.

Another near miss came a few months later when Kylie, seemed to have forgotten that she had been successfully potty trained not long after that first week. All it took in the end was a few days of putting diapers on her end (actual human baby diapers), and the humiliation did the trick. Boy would she be pissed, no pun intended, about us telling the entire internet about that! Anyway, Kylie had started peeing everywhere again – her favorite target was comforters! And she was getting threatened.. “cut it out or you’re back on the streets!” (We know, more bad parenting.) But we decided maybe there’s something wrong, maybe we should have her checked out, maybe she’s got some sort of kidney or bladder disorder. But what did the vet find? Heartworms!!
Holy crap! Do heartworms cause a dog to pee on the floor? No, they don’t, it was completely unrelated – but thank god Kylie had started peeing on the floor or we never would have found them. And she never should have had them but again, we were VERY BAD parents! We let a vet convince us that since she was going to be an indoor dog she didn’t need a preventative. Hello! It’s hawaii! Mosquitoes are present everywhere and anywhere all year round! Much like louisianna, pretty much any dog not treated for heartworms will end up with heartworms. So Kylie had to undergo heartworm treatment which is basically like chemo, which is literally poisoning your dog in order to kill the worms. It’s very dangerous and we were so scared we were going to lose her.
Obviously, Kylie came out fine but man those first few months were rough for all of us! It’s amazing to think of what almost never was, how much we would have missed.
We were so lucky!

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Sometimes while driving we see someone with their dog riding in the passenger seat or worse, sitting on their lap, and start ranting about how terrible and dangerous and irresponsible that is. Shame on them for being such bad pet parents! But in all honesty this is a small case of the pot saying “hello, kettle. this is the pot calling to say you’re black too.”

As mentioned before, we really were terrible parents, at least when Kylie was younger. We didn’t just let her ride in the front… we let her drive!

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That’s right, I was like Britney with my baby on my lap, but I don’t think even Miss Spears let Shawn Preston put his little paws on the wheel. But we did! Not on a regular basis or anything, just a few times around Honolulu.

What’s worse is Kylie was a terrible driver!riding1

She wasn’t much for keeping her big bulgy eyes on the road, she was pretty much looking everywhere else in fact. Then she would accidentally honk the horn and be looking all over to figure out who was honking at her.

So after a few attempts to turn her into Toonces we suspended the driving lessons, and Kylie learned to truly appreciate being chauffeured in comfort and style. And fortunately we gradually learned to be more responsible guardians.

People don’t believe us when we say it now, but we were really bad parents for at least Kylie’s first 7 years or so. A primary example is that when we adopted her from the Hawaiian Humane Society we signed paperwork that assured them that we had a suitable living space including a yard for her.

In actuality, we had just rented an apartment where we had to sign paperwork that clearly stated No Pets Allowed. (In our defense, Kylie was never our “pet.”) And since that apartment was on the 14th floor (technically the 13th), obviously no yard was included.

But Kylie was so good! She never ever barked back then – a skill she perfected later. And she did her business in a designated section of the fire escape and we just had to clean up every few days.

So Kylie didn’t go out a lot, but sometimes she had a party to attend, and of course it was Hawaii so she went to the beach a couple times too. And you know sometimes a dog just wants to go for a drive – literally, we let Kylie drive (more of the bad parenting I mentioned).

In order to get her out of the building undetected required a little stealthiness,burrito1 so we used this big green bag and had her jump in and hide. The code word for this operation.. “In Burrito.”

And now we’re forced to admit that’s a Beavis & Butthead reference (hey, it was the early 90’s). They meant INCOGNITO but Beavis said in burrito, so there you have it. We would open the bag and say, “Kylie, get in burrito,” and she would hop in! She would stand in it with her head poking out until we got out the door then she would hide until we got in the car and out of the parking lot.

It was actually like a game, and she really liked it, plus she knew it meant she got to GO and Kylie loved to GO!

burrito2

Years later, when the bag was no longer part of her regular routine you could open a bag and tell her to get In Burrito and she would climb in so that we could sneak her into the hotel in Vegas or where ever. And Kylie Loved Vegas!

But I guess that’s a story for another time…

I know I said this wouldn’t be a chronological story and I’m sure for the most part it won’t be. Then again a little background wouldn’t hurt…

Once upon a time there were two girls. They were in their mid-twenties, living in Honolulu, and they had become fast friends with a common objective – ‘We must get an apartment so that we can get a DOG!’

So as soon as said apartment was rented regular trips to the Hawaiian Humane Society began. (Nevermind the fact that said apartment had a No Pets policy. That’s another story for another time) One day very shortly into this journey, one girl went to the Humane Society on her own and saw a very odd looking creature. It was about three feet off the ground having climbed the chain link fence gate of the dog run. “What’s that?” the girl inquired.

THAT was a mess of a lump of a “dog,” covered with motor oil and ticks, that had just come in that day. So the girl, who had been hoping to find something more along the lines of a pure-bred pup, asked to see IT. The dog was unresponsive and looked tired, beat up, and old, so the girl took pity. She put her name on a list because there was a waiting period in case somebody came to lay claim. Then she came home to announce to her roommates (there was also a boy in residence at the time) that she had found this poor, old dog who probably didn’t have long left to live so she was planning to bring her home to have a big party for whatever time she had left. (Which as it turns out, is exactly what we did!)

The next day both girls went to see the dog who had been moved from a run with three or four other dogs to a run with just a shepherd puppy to share. She had been cleaned up but now was sporting a gash on her head that we were told she got when she started a big melee with the other dogs in the pen. This seemed surprising at the time.

We took her out of the run to get acquainted but that was difficult because the little dog was so skittish. She mostly just sat on the grass, no eye contact. We gave her treats but she just tried to bury them or at least cover them with grass, which was cute but heartbreaking. The only true sign of life we saw was when we got her to walk near the area where they keep guinea pigs in cages. When she caught sight of them moving around, and presumably got a scent, she really perked up! But it was very short-lived and we just assumed, well she is a terrier of some sort so that’s just instinct.

When it was time for her to get sprung from the pokey, we went to pick her up and on her adoption papers we noticed it read “Age: appx 8 mos”. To which we said, “What?! Are you sure??” We were assured that the vet had determined this through thorough examination so we had no choice but to believe them. But it wasn’t until in the weeks and months to come, when she got BIGGER, that we really decided they must have been about right. By the way, on that last day she had been moved into a private run, all by herself, which was odd because they were at max capacity. They told us that she had turned out to be a bit of a scrapper. To which we said, “What?! Are you sure??” We would find out much later that they were right about this too.

She was a little scared of the car ride, then she walked in the door of the apartment, where she wasn’t allowed, stepped about one foot in the door and peed!

To the best of my knowledge this is the first picture of Kylie in her new home.

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She spent three weeks laying on the couch like a potato, getting up periodically to pee on the carpet, then one day she decided she was staying so “they might as well get to know the real me,” and she WOKE up! Suddenly we had a puppy with all the craziness and destruction that comes with that!

To be continued…