We learned what we were dealing with very early on in our relationship with Kylie. She had come to live with us in September and at the cutietime, one of the girls was working on art installations at a club in waikiki along with a very cute boy named Gary. So we two girls were constantly going on and on in front of Kylie about Gary this and Gary that, and basically swooning as girls will do in their 20’s.. Gary, Gary, Gary.

One evening that October, we were taking dinner to a couple coworkers at the club including the cute boy, Gary.  Kylie was with us because even though she had only been living with us for a matter of weeks she had already become our constant little sidekick – besides she needed more driving lessons! We got out of the car and the guys walked out to meet us and as soon as Gary came out and we said “Hi Gary,” Kylie took off running toward Gary. Up to this point, we had observed that Kylie was a little scared or intimidated around men, especially tall men and Gary was over 6 feet tall; but she ran straight up to him dropped on the ground and rolled over on her back wagging her tail.

Naturally Gary bent down and rubbed her belly and told her how cute and sweet she was. While he was doing that Kylie, and we are not making this up, looked over at us with an unmistakable expression on her little face.. “Ha ha! The cute boy likes me and is petting me – not you!” Our jaws dropped and we looked at each other like what have we gotten ourselves into!? After their little interlude Kylie was just so pleased with herself, and we were aware for the first time of how in-tune she was with us. And we were aware of what a piece of work she was!

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Sometimes while driving we see someone with their dog riding in the passenger seat or worse, sitting on their lap, and start ranting about how terrible and dangerous and irresponsible that is. Shame on them for being such bad pet parents! But in all honesty this is a small case of the pot saying “hello, kettle. this is the pot calling to say you’re black too.”

As mentioned before, we really were terrible parents, at least when Kylie was younger. We didn’t just let her ride in the front… we let her drive!

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That’s right, I was like Britney with my baby on my lap, but I don’t think even Miss Spears let Shawn Preston put his little paws on the wheel. But we did! Not on a regular basis or anything, just a few times around Honolulu.

What’s worse is Kylie was a terrible driver!riding1

She wasn’t much for keeping her big bulgy eyes on the road, she was pretty much looking everywhere else in fact. Then she would accidentally honk the horn and be looking all over to figure out who was honking at her.

So after a few attempts to turn her into Toonces we suspended the driving lessons, and Kylie learned to truly appreciate being chauffeured in comfort and style. And fortunately we gradually learned to be more responsible guardians.

People don’t believe us when we say it now, but we were really bad parents for at least Kylie’s first 7 years or so. A primary example is that when we adopted her from the Hawaiian Humane Society we signed paperwork that assured them that we had a suitable living space including a yard for her.

In actuality, we had just rented an apartment where we had to sign paperwork that clearly stated No Pets Allowed. (In our defense, Kylie was never our “pet.”) And since that apartment was on the 14th floor (technically the 13th), obviously no yard was included.

But Kylie was so good! She never ever barked back then – a skill she perfected later. And she did her business in a designated section of the fire escape and we just had to clean up every few days.

So Kylie didn’t go out a lot, but sometimes she had a party to attend, and of course it was Hawaii so she went to the beach a couple times too. And you know sometimes a dog just wants to go for a drive – literally, we let Kylie drive (more of the bad parenting I mentioned).

In order to get her out of the building undetected required a little stealthiness,burrito1 so we used this big green bag and had her jump in and hide. The code word for this operation.. “In Burrito.”

And now we’re forced to admit that’s a Beavis & Butthead reference (hey, it was the early 90’s). They meant INCOGNITO but Beavis said in burrito, so there you have it. We would open the bag and say, “Kylie, get in burrito,” and she would hop in! She would stand in it with her head poking out until we got out the door then she would hide until we got in the car and out of the parking lot.

It was actually like a game, and she really liked it, plus she knew it meant she got to GO and Kylie loved to GO!

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Years later, when the bag was no longer part of her regular routine you could open a bag and tell her to get In Burrito and she would climb in so that we could sneak her into the hotel in Vegas or where ever. And Kylie Loved Vegas!

But I guess that’s a story for another time…