Kylie loves root beer! It’s just one of the things she has in common with Snoopy.

And she knew the difference.. if you tired to give her coke or pepsi she would take one drink and look at you like, “wth? something’s wrong with this root beer.” Then she’d have no more of it! And around here, it’s always Barq’s root beer, because Barq’s has bite! It also has caffeine – it’s the only root beer that does – and if there’s anything Kylie needed it was a caffeine buzz!

Speaking of a buzz.. if there was any beverage she liked more than root beer it was Bailey’s! OMG, she went crazy for that stuff! Once she knew you were drinking Bailey’s she was on you like a… like a terrier. We figured it was because as part jrt, she was part irish, therefore of course she likes Bailey’s, plus that stuff tastes like liquid candy! (cough, cough, bad parenting)

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In 2002 we went on a trip back to NJ and wanted to spend a day in NYC. Kylie always enjoyed taking a bite out of the Big Apple and SoHo is very dog friendly so we went shopping!

Since it was early 2002 things there were still very tense there and it just so happened that we came out of a store and there was some sort of suspicious activity, and several law enforcement types had descended and rushed us across the street to avoid whatever “danger” was lurking. Of course instead of deciding to duck & cover, we stood around across the street with Kylie to try and figure out what was going on (more bad parenting).

So since there really wasn’t anything going on we decided to use it as a photo op! We were even trying to work up the nerve to ask one of new york’s finest to pose with her, but decided that until things were back to at least code orange it probably wasn’t a good idea. This photo later became very popular on Kylie’s website as the heading for KNN – Kylie’s News Network.

We mentioned before that when the first girl first saw Kylie she thought that she was an old dog who had had a rough life and she wanted to bring her home so we could give her a big party for whatever life she had left. Then we found out Kylie was still a puppy! They said she was approximately eight months old and we totally didn’t believe them – until she started exhibiting some very puppy-like behavioral issues. For example, she peed everywhere!
So after about six days of potty-training with poor results, the first girl, who was Kylie’s official adopter, said she couldn’t take it and she was taking Kylie back. The shelter offered a seven day warranty of sorts so that if things didn’t go well you could take back your adopted pet with no questions asked, and she was prepared to send Kylie packing. So girl 2 stepped in and said she would accept all responsibility for the little pisser! This included cleaning up after all the “mistakes” that were made until Kylie was successfully housebroken as well as making sure that the housebreaking actually did happen. So the deal was done, there was even an official title transfer.
The truth was revealed by girl 1 much later, that it had nothing to do with the pee pee babykylie5problems. She had quickly begun to feel way to attached to the little bean head (another favorite nickname), and was feeling a very vulnerable sense of dread about eventually having to go through exactly what we’re going through now having lost our sunshine. 🙁 In retrospect, a very reasonable reaction. And in the end she wasn’t spared the devastation and despair of the loss of the little monster. But she got to share in every day of the wonderful insanity that was the Life of Kylie, which neither girl would trade for anything in the world.

Another near miss came a few months later when Kylie, seemed to have forgotten that she had been successfully potty trained not long after that first week. All it took in the end was a few days of putting diapers on her end (actual human baby diapers), and the humiliation did the trick. Boy would she be pissed, no pun intended, about us telling the entire internet about that! Anyway, Kylie had started peeing everywhere again – her favorite target was comforters! And she was getting threatened.. “cut it out or you’re back on the streets!” (We know, more bad parenting.) But we decided maybe there’s something wrong, maybe we should have her checked out, maybe she’s got some sort of kidney or bladder disorder. But what did the vet find? Heartworms!!
Holy crap! Do heartworms cause a dog to pee on the floor? No, they don’t, it was completely unrelated – but thank god Kylie had started peeing on the floor or we never would have found them. And she never should have had them but again, we were VERY BAD parents! We let a vet convince us that since she was going to be an indoor dog she didn’t need a preventative. Hello! It’s hawaii! Mosquitoes are present everywhere and anywhere all year round! Much like louisianna, pretty much any dog not treated for heartworms will end up with heartworms. So Kylie had to undergo heartworm treatment which is basically like chemo, which is literally poisoning your dog in order to kill the worms. It’s very dangerous and we were so scared we were going to lose her.
Obviously, Kylie came out fine but man those first few months were rough for all of us! It’s amazing to think of what almost never was, how much we would have missed.
We were so lucky!

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Sometimes while driving we see someone with their dog riding in the passenger seat or worse, sitting on their lap, and start ranting about how terrible and dangerous and irresponsible that is. Shame on them for being such bad pet parents! But in all honesty this is a small case of the pot saying “hello, kettle. this is the pot calling to say you’re black too.”

As mentioned before, we really were terrible parents, at least when Kylie was younger. We didn’t just let her ride in the front… we let her drive!

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That’s right, I was like Britney with my baby on my lap, but I don’t think even Miss Spears let Shawn Preston put his little paws on the wheel. But we did! Not on a regular basis or anything, just a few times around Honolulu.

What’s worse is Kylie was a terrible driver!riding1

She wasn’t much for keeping her big bulgy eyes on the road, she was pretty much looking everywhere else in fact. Then she would accidentally honk the horn and be looking all over to figure out who was honking at her.

So after a few attempts to turn her into Toonces we suspended the driving lessons, and Kylie learned to truly appreciate being chauffeured in comfort and style. And fortunately we gradually learned to be more responsible guardians.

People don’t believe us when we say it now, but we were really bad parents for at least Kylie’s first 7 years or so. A primary example is that when we adopted her from the Hawaiian Humane Society we signed paperwork that assured them that we had a suitable living space including a yard for her.

In actuality, we had just rented an apartment where we had to sign paperwork that clearly stated No Pets Allowed. (In our defense, Kylie was never our “pet.”) And since that apartment was on the 14th floor (technically the 13th), obviously no yard was included.

But Kylie was so good! She never ever barked back then – a skill she perfected later. And she did her business in a designated section of the fire escape and we just had to clean up every few days.

So Kylie didn’t go out a lot, but sometimes she had a party to attend, and of course it was Hawaii so she went to the beach a couple times too. And you know sometimes a dog just wants to go for a drive – literally, we let Kylie drive (more of the bad parenting I mentioned).

In order to get her out of the building undetected required a little stealthiness,burrito1 so we used this big green bag and had her jump in and hide. The code word for this operation.. “In Burrito.”

And now we’re forced to admit that’s a Beavis & Butthead reference (hey, it was the early 90’s). They meant INCOGNITO but Beavis said in burrito, so there you have it. We would open the bag and say, “Kylie, get in burrito,” and she would hop in! She would stand in it with her head poking out until we got out the door then she would hide until we got in the car and out of the parking lot.

It was actually like a game, and she really liked it, plus she knew it meant she got to GO and Kylie loved to GO!

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Years later, when the bag was no longer part of her regular routine you could open a bag and tell her to get In Burrito and she would climb in so that we could sneak her into the hotel in Vegas or where ever. And Kylie Loved Vegas!

But I guess that’s a story for another time…