Dear Kylie,

I can’t believe it’s been eight months since I’ve seen your pretty face, with your big, beautiful, bulgy eyes that glaze over when we would share a popcicle, and your big wet nose, and oh those ears. I miss you soooo much. I miss you intensely, overwhelmingly, I miss you every day. I miss you in the morning when I would hear your paws thundering down the hall and then you would pounce on me to demand breakfast. I miss you every night, when I would scoop you off the couch and carry you to bed. I miss you all day, when I drive around running errands and wish you were barking your head off in your booster seat at people in the other cars, making them laugh. You always made people laugh. I miss you in the evening when you would drive me crazy going outside and back in, and out and in, in and out, until you got a cookie or until I went out in the backyard with you to chase our shadows on the back fence. I miss your smile, your sense of humor, your attitude, your presence, even your stinky feet.

Kylie you were the best thing in our lives, you still are. You were my kid, my friend, my everything, and I don’t understand why the stupid sun still comes up everyday. I shouldn’t complain I suppose, because you love the sun. You love snow too, it was like somebody had given you a new toy everytime you went outside and found the ground covered. I loved playing in the snow with you. I don’t know what I’ll do when it snows without you.

I’m sorry that sometimes I was a mean mom who scolded you, or grounded you from your window seat, or took away your allowance when you disobeyed. But I always knew, even more so now, that you were such a good girl. Thank you for being so good.

Thank you for being so crazy! You made our lives exciting! We loved seeing the world through your eyes, you kept us young.

I know I didn’t often tell you how awesome you are – your aunt was always telling you, and as your mom I had to becareful you didn’t become too much of a show off! But I hope you know that I think you are the most awesome dog/person/soul/creature/everything on the planet and I adore you!

I hope you always knew how much you were loved and still are, and I hope you never really wanted for anything. We couldn’t afford to give you everything we wish we could have, but lets face it you got pretty spoiled! And yes, of course you deserved it. I know you wanted to go more places, and I wish there had been more time, more opportunities, though it never would have been enough.

People tell us that we will be with you again and I hope so much that they are right. There is nothing in the world that we want more. By the way, if you know something about that and could let us know, we would really appreciate it!

People also tell us that you wouldn’t want us to be sad all the time. We know that’s true but we also know you wouldn’t want us to do¬†fun stuff without you, so really we don’t do the things anymore that you most liked to do. And whatever we do, we always think of you and in that way you are always still with us and always will be.

I hope you understand why Isabella lives here now. I know you wouldn’t want her here, but she really needed someone to take care of her, and I really needed someone to take care of. And you should know that she never messes with your stuff, and I think she’s taking good care of your backyard, trying to keep those cats and evil squirrels out. I know you know that I could never replace you and would never try, the house was just too lonely without you.

Kylie, I’m sorry we had to let you go, we never wanted to, ever. We always just wanted what was best for you. That’s why we tried so hard and sometimes made you do things you didn’t enjoy, like go swimming or have accupuncture. I hope you know that it was only because we loved you so much and wanted you to stay healthy and strong. So we would have done anything, if there was anything that anybody could do, but there was just no time, there was no choice. We couldn’t let you suffer just to keep you with us.

Please know, my beautiful, wonderful girl, that being your mom was the happiest part of my life and the greatest thing I’ve ever done. I will always love you, and I will always miss you.

Forever,
your mom

Snapshots

In that same new jersey apartment where Kylie attacked the sprinklers on a nightly basis, she also gained access to her first doggie door – sort of…

firstddBehind the apartment was an open space and a large ravine between us and a tree line. On occasion we would spot a fox or even a couple of deer – yes, in new jersey. Anyway… We had put a stool under the window looking out that direction that was the perfect height for Kylie to sit and gaze. Then at some point we started opening the window and letting Kylie hop out, sniff around, pee if need be, then hop back in. Of course then it became quite convenient, especially first thing in the morning or late at night to open the window, let Kylie out, go do what you gotta do, wait for Kylie to jump back in, and close the window. I know right, bad parenting!

Especially the time when she jumped out the window and right into the face of a great big dog on a leash who was unpleasantly surprised to see her. Or the time when I let her out mid-evening, and since it was cold, I shut the window while waiting, got distracted and about fifteen minutes later remembered, “Holy Crap, Kylie’s outside!!” I put on shoes and opened the front door prepared to go out and search, but there she was sitting right outside the door. She looked up at me like “what the heck is wrong with you?”

Fortunately Kylie was (usually) quick to forgive.